Episode 61: Surrogates
Movie Summary "Surrogates" takes place in a world where Professor James Cromwell, the same man who invented the warp drive, taught a pig to herd sheep, and was married to Queen Elizabeth, has invented a special type of robot humans can control with their brains and use as their avatars. 95% of the world uses them and I guess their sort of like cars now. Racism and most crime has been stopped because of this. However, most people just do normal stuff, like watch TV and ride the subway and not ride on a car or run to work. Small reservations exist where humans refuse to use Surrogates, they are built on a dump and people just stand around hitting hoops with sticks to make them move. They are lead by The Prophet Ving Rhames who sports dreadlocks, hence the name for non-Surrogates users "Dreads", although none of them have dreadlocks. Into this well-thought out world, enters Bruce Willis, a cop with a microchip on his shoulder, because he also uses a Surrogate. His Surrogate is him, just tanner and airbrushed, with a shitty toupee. His wife refuses to do anything not in her Surrogate body. (You know what I'm talkin' about fellas, whoa-boy. Like going on vacation.) This is because their son died in an unspecified accident and she got a scar on her face. Bruce Willis is tasked with finding the killer of Doctor James Cromwell's son. Somehow, someone, has a weapon that can kill people through their Surrogates. It looks like a dust buster, but shoots out electricity. There's a lot of running around and twist-em-ups in the middle. In the end it turns out James Cromwell has been controlling Ving Rhames, actually a robot (spoiler alert) and has a devious plan to hook up the weapon that kills Surrogates to a massive computer that sees and controls every Surrogate in the world, because the "only way to kill the addiction is to kill the addict". At the last minute, Bruce Willis has to make key-strokes on a key-board, on the behest of a hand-cuffed fat man. In a dramatic moment, he hits enter and nothing happens, but then the fat guy realizes that he has the hit shift-enter and everything works. Bruce Willis discovers a second protocol that allows him to put up a firewall that shuts down everyone's Surrogates. People walk outside and look around like awakening from a dream. They look OK and not that fucked up. They're not even like mole-people or anything. Blogs Discussed *Elliott's blog "What Places Would Have Looked Like When Dinosaurs Were There". He takes photos of foreign places and then draws pictures of Dinosaurs over them in marker to show what they would have looked like when Dinosaurs were there. He uses markers because that's what he has at hand. Stuart suggests he use charcoal because that looks more old-timey like the 1900s' when the Dinosaurs were there. Dan shoots down Stuart's suggestion because it would be hard to draw with charcoal on glossy photos, but Elliot admits the markers also smear on the photos creating the effect of a dinosaur through a greasy window or an action scene shot by Ridley Scott, director of the upcoming "Monopoly: The Movie". Movie Pitches *"Microchip Off the Old Block" - a mid-sixites Disney film about a robot boy. Starring Kurt Russell as The Father and The Robot, Don Knotts as The Crazy Inventor, and Dean Jones as The Suspicious Neighbour. He also turns into a dog sometimes. *"The Computer Wore Women's Clothes When No One Was Around" - The story of a boy genius who cross dresses. *"A Scanner Darkly Two: The Robotening" - Like The Stepford Wives, but with rehab patients. Bruce Willis' Movies Discussed *"Disney's The Kid" - Titled Disney's The Kid so people can differentiate it from Charlie Chaplan's The Kid or a movie starring their own kid. This reminds Stuart of the time he saw the title of "Throw Momma from the Train", causing him to exclaim - "I will not, sir! No thank you." However, Elliott did listen when it said "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead", because his babysitter was not dead and it would have been a lie. Also, Stuart was not impressed when "I Knew What You Did Last Summer" came out, he saw "Scream". Duh. X-Men Created *"Homo-Superior" - His mutant power is boobs. Category:Episodes Category:Episodes Category:Episodes Category:Episodes